you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
