Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
