she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
there is puke in my bra ... again
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