I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.