Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
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Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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