How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
