Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
