life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
