Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
