I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish i was in the wii world.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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