ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
