she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
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just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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