There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
