I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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