I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
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Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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