we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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