she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
