is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
