5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
