he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
