you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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