My pussy is not your playground.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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