Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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