Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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