hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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