u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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