I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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