bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
