1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
