Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
