My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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