Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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