yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
