Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.

(646): View more from New York

I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."

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(360): View more from Washington

you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches

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(903): View more from Texas

The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.

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