I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
