why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
