worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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