Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
babies were throwing up all over the place
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
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I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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