and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize