Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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