Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
