Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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