based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I will pee on everything he values.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
