No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
