see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
