Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
