In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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