her vagina looked like bernie madoff
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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