So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The Olympian is in my bed
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
