Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
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Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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