Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
