I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
