Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
