How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
