He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
