my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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