he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
