So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
