Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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