Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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