She said her name was "party"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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