yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
