Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
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Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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