you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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