I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
where are my eyebrows?
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