Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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