i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
