He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
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"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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