Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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