I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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