shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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