my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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