haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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